For almost a decade, I have lived beneath the surface of the earth. I cannot reveal the precise cartographic coordinates. All I can say is that it is a secure bunker in Romania’s Carpathian Mountains. Here, ancient monasteries and castles nestle in densely forested slopes. To enjoy such a sight, all I have to do is raise my periscope and peer through the viewfinder.
Of course, even a three-hundred-and-sixty-five degree panorama cannot compare to actually exploring a region best known as the stalking ground of one Count Dracula. Then again, I cannot afford to leave the bunker. Not for fear of vampires, which we all know is a fiction, but because I am convinced that the end of the world is at hand.
Strict routine governs my days. Contained by reinforced concrete walls, I would go bonkers if left to kill time as I pleased. It means I rise each morning at seven minutes past six. Then, before settling at my desk to write, I breakfast on dried figs, a zinc pill to boost my immune system, and a glass of goat’s milk. My provisions are supplied on a weekly basis by a kindly old soul from the nearby village. I have tried to repay her generosity, by offering her lodging in the guest chamber when the cataclysm occurs. Bafflingly, she just smiles wryly and assures me that my End Time theories make her feel good to be alive.
I worry that she may pop her clogs before the world suffers the great catastrophe I have predicted. As a precaution, I have stockpiled enough tins of beans and bottled water to see me through to Doomsday, which will occur this year. After that, when everything has quietened down up there, I plan to surface into a world transformed beyond belief, and see if I can find myself a supermarket that’s still open.
I do hope you will be moved to read my novel, Feather & Bone. Not just because it concerns anxious chickens and rabbits that threaten to burst at the seams. On a serious note, I have buried a code within the text that reveals the date on which you should hide under the kitchen table, squeeze your eyes shut and place your fingers in your ears. Should you feel the need for greater protection, allow me to virtually open up my bunker over the coming weeks. By providing a chamber-by-chamber walkthrough, you may find yourself inspired to begin digging in your back gardens.
Lazlo Strangolov, March 09